


Until the World Ends (again)

by Kaiel



Series: Family is a choice [4]
Category: Doctor Who (2005), The Magnus Archives
Genre: Angst, Archivist Sasha James, Canon Typical Apocalypse, Dimension Travel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:07:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29338800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaiel/pseuds/Kaiel
Summary: Jon had been doing well, he’s lived with the Doctor for a year now, and he was finally starting to recover from his time at the Institute. Too bad he slipped through a crack in reality.Lost and far from home- Jon is anything but alone. This one gets a little darker folks, but as always I promise a happy ending.I’d recommend reading the first story in this series if you want it to make sense.
Relationships: Jon Sims/Martin Blackwood
Series: Family is a choice [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701502
Comments: 32
Kudos: 107





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure when this is going to update- but my Siren Jon au is getting a little complicated so I wanted a simple stress writing piece cuz I just started a new job and I’m a bit nervous lol. 
> 
> Content warnings for arguments, apocalypse and strong language.
> 
> Unbetaed

Jon knew without even opening his eyes that something was very, very wrong. The comfortable presence of the Doctor in his head and the gentle singing of the TARDIS, was all but gone, stretched to the limits of the bond. Even with thousands of years between them when she would take her human friends on trips and leave Jon back on earth the bond hadn’t been stretched  this thin. 

What’s more, there was a very familiar pressure on his mind. He could hear the Marquis whimpering under the strain, but she held firm, snarling and snapping at the intruders to his consciousness and erecting a paper thin, but strong barrier around him. Jon forced his eyes open and immediately wished he hadn’t. The sky, was looking back. He couldn’t shut it out, couldn’t bring himself to blink. Tears streamed down his face and he desperately scrabbled for the remains of his bond. But all he got was a brief burst of her panic and the fierce weight of her love, before whatever had opened to drop him here slammed shut. He was more alone in his head than he had been for a long time. He hated it. She was so far away. 

With what could only be the entities pressing on his mind from all sides, Jon had a sinking feeling he knew where he was. He couldn’t stop the tears that streamed down his face as he stared up at the unblinking sky. The sounds of screams carried by on a bitter wind. 

“Great, another Stranger Hellscape.” Came a familiar voice. “You don’t need to impersonate people I knew you circus freak.” It was painfully familiar, but Jon had no time to try and name why before he felt a boot hit his side. He cried out in pain, too overwhelmed by the a psychic pressure to do much more than curl tightly inward, desperately trying to protect the places where ribs should have been. He whimpered and clawed for any comfort he could- desperately reaching for his mom, for the TARDIS, anything. 

It had been a mistake. From somewhere behind him he heard a gasp. 

“Sasha?” His attacker said. But Jon didn’t pay attention beyond that as his mind was flooded with horrors beyond words, of a world where Sasha hadn’t been taken by the Not-Them, but instead it got Martin. A world where his decent into paranoia was hit so much harder. A world where Tim survived the Unknowing- but Jon very much did not. A world where Jonah chose to make Sasha his successor. 

Jon reached desperately for the Marquis, physically pulling her closer. And trying to pull his mind back- as small as he could. Tears streamed down his face and his mind felt rent. Jon couldn’t tell how much time passed before conversation began to filter into his consciousness. Which was in and of itself a concern. A Time Lord unable to sense the passage of time was wrong on a fundamental level. 

“So is he Jon or not?” The man said. 

“He is  a  Jon, just not  our  Jon. Though as near as I can figure the time lines of our realities diverged when Martin was taken by the Not-Them.” The woman replied. She told him the story of Jon’s time at the institute. Though from context clues Jon was lead to believe that in this reality, Sasha had survived. That Jon became wildly unstable when he discovered Martin was dead. That he found a way to blow up the unknowing without loss of life- or at least without the loss of Tim’s life. Jon had a pretty good idea of how he ended up- since it was clear that Sasha had become the Archivist. 

“Thats all I was able to get- before it’s just, blank. I can tell there’s more but I- I can’t see it not all of it at least.” She finished, leading right up until the Doctor had appeared. “But he can tell us the rest himself. He’s been awake the last ten minutes.” 

Jon slowly opened one of his eyes. The sky was still looking back. He squeezed it shut again. Instead very cautiously rolling to his uninjured side and pushing himself into a sitting position. Finally, eyes pointed firmly downwards he risked a look. Slowly he let his eyes trail along the red black earth to gaze upon the faces before him. 

It was definitely Tim. Though he didn’t recognize the woman. He assumed it must be Sasha, from before. 

“Hello Jon.” She said, and her eyes burned him where he sat. “ Tell me about the Doctor. ”

Jon screamed. 

He didn’t stop screaming until all the air left his respiratory bypass system. It took a long time. He desperately clutched at his head- with the immense pressure from the entities so near to the surface the Marquis couldn’t withstand the attack. Sasha’s words were like an ice pick to his mind as the psychic attack breached what little of his shields he had been able to muster. It  hurt.  He gasped for breath trying to fight the pull, but the words were ripped from his throat as soon as he had breath to say them with. 

“She’s my mother.” He gasped. Body wracked with pain. “She is a Time Lord. From the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kestebours.” He didn’t bother to fight the sobs of relief as the pressure eased. 

“What the hell Sasha?” Tim said over Jon’s shuddering breaths. “I don’t like the guy either but he can’t tell us anything if he’s dead.”

“I-I didn’t know that would happen!” She said, sounding shaken. 

“I thought you knew everything these days.” He said bitterly. 

“I can’t- I can’t  Know  anything about him.” She whispered. Clearly attempted to avoid alerting Jon to this fact, but Time Lords had much better hearing than Humans. 

“Then how the hell did you know all that stuff about the dimensional shift?” Tim whispered back furiously. 

“I don’t- his mind. It- he connected our minds somehow. I don’t know how he did it. I don’t think he meant to, he pulled out right away, but I got- an imprint. Of- of his dimension. While we were connected I could Know things, but when he severed the link..”

“That still doesn’t explain the screaming!” Tim desperately needed to work on his whispering skills. 

“I don’t know what that was!” She said furiously. Then cleared her throat. “J-Jon? Are, are you alright there?” She asked. This time devoid of the horrible static that had invaded his mind. He took a few more gasping breaths before looking up. 

“Please.” He begged. “Please I’ll- I’ll tell you whatever you want to know but please don’t; don’t do that again.” He gasped out. 

“We weren’t trying to torture you.” Sasha said, still baffled by the situation. Jon could only let out another weak ‘please.’ As he shook. Tim exchanged a look with Sasha. 

“How-uh how did you get here?” Tim asked this time, and Jon tried to take a few shuddering breaths to answer. 

“I-we, we were c-celebrating, on, on Orion 5. There is a rare solar event I wanted to see. We-we were close, sitting on a solar v-viewing platform. But- ther- there, there was some kind of unexpected flare, and, and I tripped. I, I fell threw. It was it was  awful. ” Jon gasped out, unable to stop the shaking. Tim stared at him for a while before leaning over to Sasha and whispering out of the corner of his mouth. 

“Is he from a reality that’s more advanced than us?” 

“No.” She whispered back. 

“Right. So you fell through a hole in space then?” Tim asked slowly. Jon nodded helplessly. “Can you- unfall through space?”

“I don’t- I don’t know!” Jon said helplessly. “If, if I can find a place where, where this reality is thinner I might be able to get a message through. Contact the Doctor.”

“How?” Sasha asked learning forward, her eyes hungry to Know something truly  new.  Jon flinched. 

“She’s telepathic.” Jon said quietly. 

“Is that how I connected with you? Are you telepathic too?” She managed to keep the static out of her questions, but only just. 

Jon nodded miserably. 

“Is it Cuz you’re the Archivist in your reality?” Tim asked, curious despite himself. He seemed more- settled in this universe some how. Jon wasn’t sure he could put his finger on how though. 

“N-no. I’m- I’m not the Archivst anymore. I got free, I was  free .” He said tears once more coming to his eyes. 

“How.” Sasha demanded. “You can still see right? You didn’t blind yourself so how did you do it??”

“I- I didn’t. Not, not on my own. The Doctor-“

“Yeah we’re gonna need a bit more to go on than a mysterious doctor there Jon.” Tim said with a sneer that was so much more familiar than the brief moment of kindness had been. Jon took a few deep breaths and tried to collect himself. The Marquis curled herself into his lap, allowing him to stroke her soft back to keep himself grounded. 

“If- if you would let me explain.” He meant it to sound irritated, perhaps even haughty. He had been trying to channel the Jon from before, the Jon from pre-Prentiss. It came out sounding more like a question. There was just too much, too many memories resurfacing it was everything he could do not to have a completely mental break. 

“Yeah fine I-“ Tim was cut off by an ominous moaning coming from the ground Jon was sitting on. They all froze. “I thought you said it was safe for us to stop here?” He accused to Sasha. 

“It is! As safe as anything, for us at least. I’m, I’m not actually sure about him.” She said looking at Jon. “It may be best if we continue this while moving. Can you walk?” 

No one offered to help Jon to his feet. He didn’t expect them too. He stood up. This all felt so much like being back at the institute, before he had Martin. Before he had the Doctor. The Marquis wrapped herself around his vulnerable throat. And her warm weight was familiar and safe. He tried to focus on that as they all began to walk, towards the horrible tower that overlooked the wasted earth. 

“Alright- get talking Sims.” Tim’s voice brooked no argument. Jon stumbled a little. His chest aching where it had been kicked. 

“R-right. I, I guess I’ll start after Martin and I left the institute?” He began cautiously. Tim made a hurry up gesture and Jon swallowed hard. “S-so I, I suppose there’s a few things you need to know first.” He began, and very carefully explained that he had never been human. That Jonah Magnus had placed him as a child with a woman chosen at random. How he had been groomed for the position of Archivist from his first breath. He explained that Jonah was a Time Lord too, and that he hadn’t thought a human mind would be able to withstand becoming a conduit for the Entities. Tim and Sasha were silent throughout his explanation. Though Jon could see Tim’s jaw clenching out of the corner of his eye. He explained how the entities acted like psychic parasites, and how they latched on, and how easy it had been for a time lord without shielding to be taken in by them.

“So it’s your fault this happened then.” Tim said, sneer plain on his face. “Or at least your-“ another sneer “species’ fault.” Jon said nothing. Perhaps a year ago he might have agreed with Tim. Perhaps 5 years from now he might have even recovered enough to be willing to defend himself. However the Jon of today could only look down and long for the familiar song of the TARDIS. “Not even going to defend yourself?” Tim snarled. 

“No.” Jon said simply. Tim huffed. 

“So Jon, do you know where one of these ‘thin spots’ might be?” Sasha asked trying and failing to break the rising tension. 

“Oh- um, I was thinking Hilltop road.” He said. “Or-or perhaps where ever the entities broke through from. But, if, if I can’t find a spot I- I’ll try and send a message to Gallifrey. Perhaps it’s still here in this reality.”

“Is it gone in yours?” Sasha asked fascinated. 

“Y-yes. The Doctor and I are the last Time Lords left.” He said quietly. 

“Good riddance.” Tim said, and Sasha elbowed him. 

“How would you be able to contact them?” Sasha asked genuinely curious. 

“This- the, the entities. Jonah didn’t think they were powerful enough to manifest past earth. So-so all I’ll need to do is get a message past them, and convince them to help.”

“Do do, you think they might be able to help us reverse this?” Sasha asked, the spark of hope in her voice broke Jon’s hearts. 

“I, can’t say for certain. Do they have the technology to help? Maybe. Will- will they be willing to interfere? I, I don’t know.”

“Bunch of pompous pricks like you then eh?” Tim said. “I’m sure you fit in just fine then.”

“I was taken as a child of two. And my ancestral home destroyed. But I remember it. I remember what home was. I’ll never see it again.” Jon replied. Not to defend himself, but simply because it felt like it needed to be said. Tim was quieter after that. No one really knowing what to say. 

Finally, they crested a hill and Sasha drew them to a stop.

“I need-“

“Yeah yeah fine. Go vomit your horrors. I’ll keep an eye on the alien. Hell, I’ll keep several hundred eyes. Got to love that sky always so willing to help out.” 

Sasha looked conflicted. But eventually she just sighed. 

“Play nice.” She said, before strolling away. Jon played anxiously with the Marquis’s tail. 

“Alright, what the hell is that purple thing, some kind of mutant ferret?” Tim asked in the uncomfortable silence. 

“Oh, um, I, I don’t know if the name would mean much. But she’s a- like a therapy animal?” Jon tried. “But, but for psychic protections.” He added hurriedly, worrying that Tim might mock him for it. “Y-young time lords don’t start developing psychic shielding until at least 90 years of age and, and it leaves us vulnerable to to things like the eye. The Marquis helps provide protection.” Tim didn’t say anything for a long while. 

“I know you aren’t our Jon, but I still don’t forgive you for all this.” Tim said, sitting down on a questionable looking rock. 

“I know.”

“Sasha may have ended the world here, but you dragged us both into this, and then stole my revenge from me.”

“I- I know. If, if it makes you feel better, in my world- it was you who blew up the circus. Your, um your final words were to the effect of “I don’t forgive you, but thank you for this.”” Jon closed his eyes. 

“Good.” Tim said. 

“You didn’t make it out.” 

“What, do you want me to feel better that my version of you stole my revenge but ‘saved’ my life? Cuz I don’t.” 

“I don’t- look Tim. Your feelings are entirely your own. Hate me forgive me- I don’t care. I don’t, I don’t get to make those decisions for you. I’ve made my choices. Were they the right ones? I don’t know. In my world I’m alive and you and Sasha aren’t. Do- do I wish I could apologize in a meaningful way to my Tim? Of fucking course I do every goddamn day. But I lost that chance. So you can either- either grow up and deal with the fact that I’m not the person you knew- that alien or not I made mistakes under the pressure of extreme trauma or let me leave and try to get home.” Jon was breathing hard under the force of his own anger. Tim looked surprised, and then angry. 

“Really. Really!? You are going to pull the fucking trauma card? You made bad decisions because of trauma? You are a fully grown adult. And there is no fucking excuse for stalking your coworkers.” Jon’s anger left him as soon as it had come and he just felt tired. 

“I’m not.” 

“Not what pulling the trauma card cuz I’m pretty fucking sure-“

“A fully grown adult.” Tim froze. The screams on the breeze seemed for a moment to fade, only to return with a doubling intensity. 

“What.” It was flat. Expressionless. Jon felt the familiar panic at a tone like that building. 

“And- and even if I was an adult, I- I did the best I could, and, and yes I- I  failed  but- but-“

“Stop. Talking. Jon.” Jon froze. The panic reaching a boiling point, his hearts pounding in his chest. 

“I- I’m sorry it, you’re right it’s, I shouldn’t, it’s it’s not an excuse.” Jon tried to back peddle. Trying to guess what it was that Tim wanted to hear, so like a scared child willing to say whatever meant they wouldn’t get hit. 

“How old.” It was equally flat. 

“I-I-“

“How old is adulthood.”

“I-“ the words died in Jon’s lips under the forced of Tim’s glare. “T-two hundred.” He said meekly. 

“Fuck.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here y’all go, like I said- this is my stress writing fic so posting will be inconsistent and entirely unbetaed- but that said, thank you all for your comments, and enjoy!

“Fuck.”

Jon didn’t know what to say to that. So he didn’t say anything at all. He dug around in one of his pockets for his pack of cigarettes. They had been a gift from Martin. They weren’t  real  cigarettes of course, but they did  look very convincing. The end even glowed a red colour. They were a type of candy available on Gelton. 

Martin had picked up the recipe at some point, and he and the Doctor had surprised Jon by making him a batch. (The Doctor had only really helped in that she made sure they were laced with vitamins necessary for a growing Time Lord.) The flavours varied, but the batch he was looking for was a sort of, less bitter black liquorice. 

Finally after reaching dearly his entire arm into his pocket, Jon found his cigarette case. (It was engraved with his family name in circular Galifreyan.)

“How deep are you pockets?” Tim asked incredulous. Distracted enough by Jon’s performance that he seemed able to speak again. 

“Oh. Um, they, uh they’re bigger on the inside.” Jon stammered. Palming the cigarette case for now, and fidgeting with the clasp. 

“Is that some kind of fucking joke?” Tim asked, and Jon wasn’t sure if he was even meant to answer that. 

“No? It’s, um transdimensional technology is, uh, well, year 1 study for, um, for-“ Jon trailed off not wanting to finish the sentence in present company. 

“Is that why you’re wearing that whole-“ Tim made a hand gesture to encompass all of Jon. “Look?” 

Jon glanced down at his clothes. Which, ok, they weren’t the most conventional- but they had been going out somewhere fancy! And he was perfectly in style for the planet in question. He wore waist high suspendered pants that were so wide in each leg so as to look like a skirt, cutting off mid calf to reveal knee heir laced up leather boots. He had also picked up a regency era coat with silver embroidery- with the symbols of his house carefully integrated into the design in circular gallifreyan. His shirt buttoned up all the way up his throat, nicely covering the scar from Daisy, and he had even donned a formal fingerless glove on his right hand to cover up the burns from Jude. 

He thought it all looked rather fetching. Martin had told him he looked dashing while he had helped him with his cravat just two hours before he had fallen through reality. (Well, to be precise exactly one hour forty nine minutes twelve seconds and twenty three microsceonds. Time Lords needed to know these things after all.)

“No. All of my clothes have pockets that are bigger on the inside.” Jon said simply. 

“So.. this was a choice then?” Tim asked seemingly unsure. 

“Yes?” Jon asked in return, confused about where this was all going. 

“Huh.”

“Is, is there a problem with, with my clothes?” Jon asked, self consciousness beginning to creep in. 

“No, no it’s just- Jon, the, the Jon of this universe wouldn’t be caught dead wearing something like that.” Tim said, his voice wasn’t hostile, but Jon still didn’t know if he could trust that. 

“The, the Jon of your reality never got the chance to want to.” He said. He hadn’t meant it as an attack, but Tim had a look like someone had punched him in the gut. 

“I-“

“Alright. I’m done. We can keep going.” Sasha said, causing both Tim and Jon to jump at the unexpected voice. 

“Right.” Tim said shaking his head. “Right, yeah, any idea how long it will take to get to hilltop road?” Sasha shook her head. 

“Time doesn’t really-“

“Yeah yeah, time doesn’t work that way anymore and the journey will be the journey.” Tim recited with an eye roll and a sigh. 

“A-actually,” Jon piped up in a quiet voice. “Walking from our current location it will take three planetary rotations, four hours, and twenty nine minutes not accounting for rest periods.”

Tim and Sasha stared at him. And Jon coughed awkwardly, feeling very much the way he so often had as a child, like he had spoken too much out of turn and now he was about to be punished for it. 

“How- how can you possibly know that?” Sasha asked, there was a desperation to her voice that set Jon’s teeth on edge. He blinked in surprise. 

“I- I’m a Time Lord. N-normally I could just sort of, sense it. But, but time is  wrong  here. It’s, it’s messing with my senses. H-however, I can still feel the way the planet turns beneath our feet, and, and it’s only a bit of simple math from there.”

Tim’s mouth opened but no sound seemed to come out, and Sasha began to cry. Jon immediately began to panic. 

“I-I’m sorry? Did- is time like a, a cultural taboo- or” be tried desperately, and Tim began to laugh. A full belly laugh, like Jon hadn’t heard since before prentiss. He sounded hysterical and Jon was certain he could see panic in Tims eyes. Jon trailed off awkwardly, he popped open the cigarette case and held one of the candy cigarettes in his palm, slipping the package back into his pocket nervously. Sasha said something, Jon couldn’t quite make out, too muffled by the sound of Tim, and gave her a confused look. 

“I-I didn’t end it all?” She asked, so quietly, and Tim suddenly went very silent. “There-there’s still a universe beyond the fears? There are still stars?” Jon felt his hearts break for her. 

“Yes.” He said emphatically. “Yes of  course  there are.” He reached out to her, but hesitated. Instead, he sat down and gestured for her to sit next to him. She did so. He looked up at the sky for a moment, and his eyes caught on something that shouldn’t be there. Suddenly it clicked into place, it had been in the edges of his mind since he arrived, but now, now it made sense. He gestured for Sasha to sit down next to him. 

“I don’t- I don’t have a very good sense of it.” He began slowly. “But, but look, right there.” He pointed to a spot in the sky with the end of his candy cigarette. “Do you see that?”

“I- what am I looking for?” She asked confused. 

“That spot, right between the green eye and the silver one, do you see it?”

“It just looks a little blurry I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be seeing.” She said hopelessly. 

“Yes! Exactly!! It looks blurry! That’s a sign of incomplete dimensional integration!” Jon said, waving his hands about excitedly. “And, and look over there? Do you see that tree line? Point out a single detail to it. Go on.” 

“I- I can’t, there, there’s no-“ something appeared to be dawning on Sasha. “It’s because it’s not fully there isn’t it? We all, everyone, the whole world just  thinks it’s there right? Like, like one enormous waking nightmare!”

“Sort of?” Jon said. “The entities are psychic parasites right? Meaning that everything they feed off of comes from the mind. If they can integrate themselves into the mind of every human on the planet, they don’t need to fully manifest, because people will see the world they want to create.”

“Are- are you saying all of this is in our heads?” Tim asked incredulous. 

“No, not exactly.” Jon replied. “It’s more like, they aren’t actually powerful enough to completely warp this reality, not even powerful enough to warp the solar system, so the people living on Jupiter’s moons are unaffected for example.” Jon had quite enjoyed visiting Jupiter’s moons, they had a wonderful underground jazz scene. “So rather than waste their energy on completely shifting earth, they shift the things they have to, and the rest is a psychic illusion.”

“So, the folks up in the international space station then,” Tim began. 

“Are having a very weird time.” Jon finished. 

“But, until you pointed it out, everything looked- well detailed, why is it now that the details are fuzzy?” Tim asked.

“Because Humans may not be  very  psychic, but you are a  little  psychic. Which means that once you know what to look for, you can see where it’s filling in the gaps.”

“Do, do you think there’s a way to reverse it?” Sasha asked, and the weight of that question hung heavily. Tim seemed to hold his breath. 

“I- I don’t know.” Tim and Sasha both seemed to deflate. “But, but my Mom would.” Jon offered. “My- the Doctor, I mean, she would know how to help.” He said with conviction. It took a long time to overcome the sort of trauma Jon had been through, to begin to trust things again, and there were still few things that Jon trusted without reservation. One of those was Martin, the other bing the TARDIS, and the Marquis. But none of that would have been possible without the Doctor. Jon trusted her with every fibre of his being. 

“Your, mom.” Tim said sceptically. “Right.”

“I- I was adopted after, well, she adopted me to prevent all this-“ Jon waved his hand, pointing the candy cigarette at the sky “from happening.” 

“How did adoption stop this from happening?” Sasha asked before Tim could say anything. 

“It’s, well, in a healthy Time Lord family there is a psychic bond between parents and children. And often times extended family too. My-  father”  he said the word like the curse it was. “Ensured I couldn’t develop those bonds. So the entities took their place. Instead of having aunts, and uncles and others supporting me, protecting my mind- he ensured the nightmares have a red carpet into my head.” There was silence after that, and both Tim and Sasha appeared to be mentally working something out. 

“...Jon.” Tim began very cautiously. “Is- Jonah Magnus, you said he was a Time Lord too right?” 

“Yes, why?” Jon asked. 

“Is- is he your, your-“

“Yes.” Jon said, the shame and disgust still fighting for a place in his voice. 

The air around Tim began to feel, warm, very warm. And Jon shifted nervously, putting the candy cigarette in his mouth to suck on. To try and distract himself. 

“We, um, we should probably keep going.” Sasha broke in, trying to cut the tension, but failing. 

“Right. Yeah. Got a spooky spider house to find.” Tim said, giving his head a strong shake. 

“Right.” Jon said faintly, unable to suppress a shudder of his own. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments fuel me. Enjoy. 
> 
> Content warnings at the end.

Tim didn’t stick with them long after that, he pulled a baseball bat out of his backpack and gave Sasha a  look . Jon was left deeply confused. 

“Is- is it safe for him to go off alone like that? He asked as they kept walking, albeit at a slightly slower pace. Sasha sighed. 

“Sort of? It’s not,  not  safe.” She said with a shrug. “He, after you- after I became the Archivist Tim was- I don’t know, he had a lot of anger, at, well at everything really. I don’t know which ended up getting it’s claws into him more deeply, the Slaughter or the Desolation- but the end result was the same.” She gave a bitter laugh. “I suppose he always was a bit hotheaded.” She shook her head. “We figured out pretty early on to this whole apocalypse thing, that I have to make Statements, and Tim, Tim needs to let off some steam. He- he mostly only hits Strangers if it makes it any better.” She offered. 

Jon’s chest twinged in memory of Tim’s boot, and he shifted to ease the aching in the spot. Given his own experience with the Entities he had more than a little sympathy for those touched by them. And sure some Avatars chose it- but for every one that did there was a Jonathan Sims or an Oliver Banks. Just swept along for the ride, with no recourse but to follow where their hated patron might lead.And if Jon were being entirely truthful with himself- even those that chose it often only did so to avoid a worse fate. Having had some distance from it, well it was hard to judge most of the folks who got caught up in all of it. Even the Lukases. Sure- one may have chose it generations ago, but being raised seeped in it? With no chance to learn and grow until it was far far too late? No, Jon didn’t really think that was much of a choice at all. 

“I- I don’t know that it does.” Jon said softly. “But I- I do understand. When, when you are living this, this nightmare, it- it can be very hard to have any kind of perspective. To remember that even the Avatars that chose it, often didn’t seek it out. Wrong place, wrong time- choosing the best of a bad option.” He looked down at the glove that covered the burn scar from Jude. “Or driven there by the culture they were steeped in.” Sasha didn’t know what to say to that. She stared at him. The look carrying far more weight than it should have. 

“You’re really different from our Jon.” She said after a long while. Jon gave a bitter laugh. 

“I’m really not. I just- finally got the support I needed.” A look of guilt crossed her face and Jon quickly tried to backpedal. “Not- not that I’m in any way blaming anyone for what- what happened at the Institute. I- my circumstances don’t- don’t excuse my behaviour.”

She shook her head. 

“You know, when you got the promotion over me I was so jealous. I thought- well of course you got it. Of course the institute is a boys club. When, when a woman messes up a job it’s not just ‘oh Gertrude was a bad archivist’ it’s ‘women are bad archivists.’ And then when you were- sorry, but when you were a bit of a prick when we started I just-“ Sasha shook her head and sighed. “I was just tired of it- and I know that I didn’t make your job easier.” Jon’s brows furrowed in bafflement. 

“What are you talking about? Up, up until the time you were- you were taken, you were the most helpful of my assistants!” 

“...Yeah, so about that. I may have, especially early on, intentionally made things more difficult for you. There was, a certain clause in my contract- if you, for whatever reason left the position of Archivist, it would pass to me.” She gave a bitter laugh. “I was mad, and frankly I was good enough at my job that I’m not surprised you never noticed. You were, you were under a lot of stress. After I became the Archivist, well- you had the luxury of not knowing what it was doing to you when the Eye first latched on. I didn’t. I was so so very aware of everything as the paranoia began to creep in, as I suddenly struggled to trust people, as my mind and soul seemed to rot and warp and there was nothing I could do could stop it. From the minute you, well, from the minute you died- and from the second I read my first statement after that- it had me. And Jon, Tim may not understand it, but I do. I know how it feels to feel yourself slipping away, bit by bit and the more you try to hold onto yourself, the more of yourself you loose.”

Jon shook his head, something still wasn’t right about all of this. He couldn’t focus on Sasha words there was something else  there,  he just wasn’t seeing. The extra clause in Sasha’s contract hadn’t been there in his timeline he was certain of it. He was missing something. 

“Sasha, how many hearts do you have?”

“What!?” She was so surprised she stopped walking, Jon didn’t notice, his own walking, had turned more into a sort of restless pacing, the Marquis’s tail lashing back and forth as she played along the edges of his agitation. 

“Because it doesn’t make any sense! I- Jonah Magnus in my timeline theorized that only a Time Lord mind, a natural telepath would be strong enough to withstand the weight of bringing the Entities through, and even then, he had to specifically design my mind to be able to handle the strain! So why, when I died, would he make you his back up plan?” Jon was only seconds away from holding her face in his hands and asking what made her so special. Which was how he knew he had been spending too much time with his mom. He dug around in his pocket for a moment before retrieving a stethoscope. At first the Doctor had insisted he carry certain safety measures in his pockets, galactic ID, psychic paper, sonic screwdriver, emergency stash of vitamins, food for at least two weeks, a sleeping bag, a tent, rope, the basics. But these days the contents of his pockets was less survival based, and more- an eclectic collection of things he found interesting. Jon genuinely didn’t know exactly what was all in there, but it was fine, he had what he needed at least. 

Sasha yelped in surprise, when Jon stuck the stethoscope to her back, and listened to her heart beat. 

“Jon!”

“No, still only one- so I don’t understand how-“

“JON!” Jon startled, finally snapping back into reality. 

“What?” He said shaking his head in a daze. 

“Are you saying there is no way I’m human?”

“What? No, no not at all I just-“

“Because it sounds like what you are saying is that I can’t be human or this wouldn’t have worked.” Jon frowned. He hadn’t meant for her to take it that way. He remembered how difficult it had been to feel like he was loosing his humanity. He snapped his fingers. 

“I have a way we can know for certain.” He said, thrusting his arm down his pocket for his sonic screwdriver. He ran it all up and down Sasha, before flipping it open to check the readings. He frowned. “That’s, odd.”

“What? What does it say?” She asked trying to read over his shoulder, but failing as she encountered, for the first time in a long time a language that the Eye didn’t translate. Strange interlocking circles and spirals, that while pretty, were utterly incomprehensible. 

“It’s- well, hmm.” Jon knelt down and began drawing with his finger in the dirt. “This is your mind, right?” He said drawing a circle. “And because you are so deeply connected to the Eye, it’s opened up the dormant telepathic abilities some humans possess.” He pulled a thick line through the side of the circle, breaking it. “The human brain hasn’t spent millions of years evolving for that kind of strain like a Time Lord brain has, you only have one for example. But! Down here-“ Jon drew a smaller circle underneath the larger one. “There’s some kind of- of device. It’s Gallifreyan in origin, I think it’s acting like some kind of overflow switch. I- I  think  Jonah Magnus may have connected himself to the other end of it, so that he didn’t have to bear the brunt of the entities, only the parts you couldn’t handle.” Jon explained, drawing a dotted line to another circle. 

“Jonah installed a goddamn safely valve connected to  him in my  brain ?” It wasn’t clear if it was anger, horror, or disgust that coloured her voice- but it certainly wasn’t anything warm and fuzzy. 

“Yes?” Jon hazarded. “I- I think so at least, unless-“ Jon shuddered as the thought occurred to him. “When, when I died what happened to my body?” He asked, voice so so carefully measured. 

“Eli- Jonah, handled the funeral. It, I’m sorry Jon, but it was right after the Unknowing and, well, no one was really in a place to handle-“

“No, not that’s, that’s fine I’m not- it’s just-“ he took a deep breath. “How much of my body was left.”

“Most of it, it- I think you had lost a leg, but it was hard to tell, they, um- they think you bled out from the shrapnel punctures rather than immediately though.”

“Right.” He said, swallowing hard. “Right, Jonah was never one to take risks he could avoid. So, it um, it’s unlikely to be  his  brain you are hooked up to. Not when he had a perfectly good alternative lying around, and no one to stop him from using it.”

“You aren’t saying-“ she trailed off in her horror.

“I very much am I’m afraid.”

“God that’s-“ she shook her head. “That horrible, and considering the state of the world that’s saying something. God how could a man do that to his own  child ?” 

“It was easy.” Jon said. He had had quite a bit of time to consider that question. “Time Lord children are rare, so the few that there are, are treasured. What’s more-“ and this was something Jon had only recently learned himself. “Because we aren’t born the same way humans are- we are, are meant to be lovingly knit together in a loom- it’s the closest translation I can manage.” He added to the question in her eyes. “But because there are so few children they are often loomed in large groups at a time- so that there are enough children of the same age for play companions, or schooling. I was loomed in the middle of such groups. In secret. From the very beginning Jonah ensured that I would be alone. He no more saw me as his son then he might view a monkey as his brother. I was simply a means to an end. He never even bothered to solidify our paternal bond.” Jon winced a little when he was finished. He hadn’t actually meant to keep talking for that long. He had forgotten how easy Sasha was to talk to- even without the supernatural assistance. She shook her head, trying to clear it of information that was not immediately important. Though she would certainly have to think more on what Jon was saying.

“God. I’m, I’m glad you got to kill him in your reality at least.” She said offering him a sad smile. “I don’t know if it’s going to be an option this time around.” 

“W-why would that be?”

“Tim thinks if we just- kill Jonah, it will end this all, and, maybe, if we’re lucky and he used himself as the linchpin, maybe if will. But I think you’re probably right. He probably used- well, you. And, I just don’t think there’s an easy way to put everything back.” Sasha surprised herself, with a single tear that trailed down her cheek. “Sorry, I don’t- you already dealt with all of this in your reality, I can’t imagine it’s any easier to deal with it in ours, especially when we fucked it up enough that our version of you didn’t even make it.” She said wiping at her eyes. 

“No, no it’s, it’s alright. Or, well, not alright but, but Sasha.” Jon spun her so she was looking directly in his eyes. “The apocalypse, Jonah, my death. It’s not your fault. None of it is your fault.” Jon was bad with people. He had always been bad with people. He was too honest, and he was harsh, and quite frankly rude most of the time. He wasn’t unaware that a lot of people growing up had found him incredibly annoying. (The truth of these facts was still hotly debated by both the Doctor and Martin, but Jon was stubborn to a fault and some things once internalized are difficult to move past.) but Jon did know one thing, and that was what he had needed to hear when he almost ended the world. “You, you  can’t  carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You didn’t end it. Jonah did. He used you the same way he used me. And, and if you are going to blame yourself for everything, then blame me for being born.” 

“Jon, that’s not-“

“Exactly. But, but if it wasn’t my fault that Jonah, that he, he  bred  me to be his apocalypse machine, then it isn’t your fault either.”

“Jon it’s different, you can’t choose to be born, I, I should have known better and-“

“And what? Managed to see that a man several centuries your senior, a man who by all rights should have been trustworthy, and a man you could look up to, with knowledge from a civilization so far beyond your own that even basic transport looks like magic was using you?” Jon shook his head. “Jonah Magnus is a bad man, who had done terrible things, and hurt good people to do it. You are not guilty of his crimes. And you are not guilty of your trauma.” That had been a phrase that had taken Jon a very long time to understand. And he could see in Sasha’s face that she didn’t really understand it either. Not yet. 

Jon supposed it was the sort of thing that could only come with time and distance. When he had first begun living with the Doctor, every day was a fight against guilt. Guilt that he didn’t deserve to live with the man he loved and the best mother anyone could ask for. Guilt that he got to have this, when Tim and Sasha didn’t. Guilt for his victims, for the people he hurt by accident, and guilt that he couldn’t move past it and forget about his guilt. 

He felt guilty that he needed the support of the Marquis, and guilty that the Doctor watched his nightmares with him, that on the nights she wasn’t able to soothe them, she had to endure them right there with him. But he could no more change those things than a fish could fly. And it had not been his fault that no one helped him. It hadn’t been his fault that he had been forced to make the terrible choices he had. His choice, yeah, those were on him. But the fact that the options sucked? Wasn’t his fault. And it wasn’t his fault that terrible things had been done ti him, or that he couldn’t just snap his fingers and get over them. Jon still needed reminders about this of course, but someday, he knew he would truly be able to believe it. And for now, that was good enough. 

Sasha would get there in time. But it would be nigh impossible to do that without fixing the world first. So in the back of his mind, Jon’s brain began to churn. 

Sasha was saved from having to respond by Tim’s return. Jon chose not to ask about the wet black fluid staining the bottom of his trouser cuff. 

“Feel better?” Sasha asked. 

“No.” Tim responded, it sounded like a well worn conversation. And Tim had even sounded a little fond in his no. 

“Right. Three days travel then.” Sasha said, glancing over the horizon, still delighting in the concept of time. For the first time since falling through this reality, Jon offer a shy smile, and they pushed forward. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Child abuse  
> -violence  
> -trauma recovery

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Come say hi on tumblr @nireidi


End file.
